Sometimes you just have to let off steam. This is the place.

GIRLS!! DUMB IS NOT CUTE!!!!
February 24, 2006

OK, here I go again…

I've been getting a TON of email asking for a new rant. But I have to be honest. NOTHING has gotten on my nerves lately. My life right now is wonderful and I am making new friends every day. I enjoy so much hearing from all of you guys and I thank each and every one of you.

But then -- IT HAPPENED

Maris Milton SPOKE ON TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The name has been changed to avoid a law suit)

"Start RANT" GIRLS!! DUMB IS NOT CUTE!!!!

Tonya and I were standing in line at Mickey D's the other day. There was an 18 or 19 year old girl right in front of us in line. She was cute as a button. When it was her turn to order, she pointed up at the menu and said in a

"Valley Girl" screeching voice "eeeeewwwww Gimmie one of those sausage thingie dingies"

I leaned forward in my usual kind, fatherly way and said "Honey, Those "thingie dingies" are what we call BISCUITS. Just in case you ever want to order another one later on in your lifetime"

Of course, Tonya slapped me and told me to behave, but I couldn't help but think how many years this beautiful girl might go through life thinking that sort of stuff is cute or sexy.

Guess what ladies "It's NOT" How can anyone every take you seriously when you are pointing at "thingie dinigies"

Then I saw "Maris" on an interview and was blown away. She's so rich, beautiful, and so popular that she's on about every magazine around. Then I thought, "Sex video, law suits, too skinny and can barely say a full sentence."

Then I thought, "Hmmm One night stand for some lucky guy" That's about the extent of it. What man wants to go through life saying to his wife "Honey, I'm going to Mickey D's…..You want me to pick you up a couple of "thingie dingies?" PLUS! Sooner or later your body changes and who wants to look at his wife in their forties and say "I WISH YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU DID BACK IN YOUR SEX VIDEO DAYS!! YOU KNOW, WITH THAT GUY THAT WAS CALLING YOU DIRTY NAMES!!"

We have a 13 year old daughter and we are just waiting for the day for "IT" to arrive. The day that she thinks it's cute to say:

"me wants an apple".

"Fer sure"

"Like WOW Dad"

"OH---- MY GOD!!" and the ever popular "What - Ever" and "DUHHHH"

We are waiting for that day ----------- so we can knock her down the steps!!!! (just kidding)

ALSO: Why do people STARE at a Mickey D's menu? The darn menu hasn't changed much since the 60's. There's NO REASON to keep staring up at it. You didn't go there for health food or Tofu. You went there for GREASE!!!!

PLUS!! NEVER go to a BAR in a land locked town in the Midwest and believe the sign when it says "Friday - Fresh Fish" Think about it. How the HECK is a small bar going to get FRESH FISH in OHIO. I fell for that a couple of weeks ago and thought I was gonna DIE!!! The only FRESH FISH in Columbus, Ohio are GOLDFISH.

Oh one more thing, why does my bank ATM machine ask me if I want English or Spanish? Why doesn't it ask for Chinese or Italian?

I keep thinking that if I push Spanish and get out $50, that it will shoot out a
half a MILLION pesos.

OH, I HAVE TO QUIT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DBG